Do you nag? How can you stop nagging?

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I have conducted gender sensitivity trainings for hundreds of people from different sectors- young. old, civil servants, NGO workers, city and rural folks, women and men and there’s one characteristic that is always attributed to women- nagging. Is nagging a monopoly of women? Of course, not. Some men also nag just like  you-know-who.

Nagging is a constant repetition of  informative statements previously known by the target audience. It can happen daily, hourly with very little or no new information at all. The statement are often harmless and are always meant to inculcate the right values and a right way of doing things.  Despite its good intentions both the listener and the talker feel stressed and frustrated.  The talkers think that their messages are taken for granted while the listeners feel that their ability to comprehend are completely underestimated. Both the nagger and the one being nagged feels misunderstood. The former is often the wife and mother while the latter are the spouse and children.

Is nagging really bad? I made a survey by asking my children. They are the kindest, most courteous of respondents of course.  They weren’t objective since their answers are clouded with love.

Question 1: Am I a nagger? Answer: Yes, you are. But it’s okay, am used to it. Besides, what you are telling us is correct. It will  turn out bad if you cuss and swear.

Nagging can turn into verbal abuse if you keep on blaming and shaming the other person. It will hurt their feelings, embarrass them and gradually strip them of their self-confidence. Nagging can be habitual forgetfulness. When you forgot that you have said things already thus saying it again and again.

Nagging is a state of unconscious talking- i.e., when you keep on ranting continuously. Once you begin to notice that you are already nagging, that’s an indication that you are about to stop nagging. Pause and listen to the silence around. Did you notice the calmness around you when you stopped talking?

The next time you felt the urge to nag, take a few deep breaths and ask yourself. Do I really need to say that again? How can I convey my message lovingly?

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